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YOGA BLOOPERS This page is dedicated to us, the yoga teachers, who have learned patience, humility and to laugh at ourselves, after our little yoga "faux pas." SUBMISSIONS WELCOME! Please note whether you want to remain anonymous or not . . . The following list is a compilation of things we actually said in class, gathered from several yoga teachers who had the courage to share their human fallibility with us: "Yoga is excellent for un-kinking the muscles and the spine. It is great if you're really kinky." Susan Wanmer (Brisbane, Australia) "As you enter the yoga studio, come in, take off your clothes, and relax. . . " "Lift your bellybutton away from your naval." When teaching Kapalabhati breathing: "If you begin to feel faint or dizzy, stop breathing and relax." When teaching Setu Bandhasana (Bridge) by putting a ball between a student's knees so they will not splay the legs apart, this was said to a male yoga student :"Wow! You could fit 2 balls between your legs!" Elena, May 2000. When teaching Mulabhanda, the instructor wanted to acknowledge that learning the Perineal lift would have a number of physiological benefits: "If you learn this technique, this will also improve your sex life by giving you greater control of the anal sphincter muscles . . ." (the instructor's partner at that time was taking the class that day, and the students looked at him oddly.) "I meant to say the muscles around the cervix!" Elena, May 2000 Teaching Paschimottanasana: "Don't round your back. Try to rotate the hip forward, and elongate your spine over your legs. It is not about touching your nose to your knees - it is about reaching your nose to your toes. This can be uncomfortable at first . . ." "Press your shitting bones down . . ." In a standing 1/2 bound lotus- "Hold your right foot in half Lotus with your left foot" Elena, September 2000 "Now Separate your feet from your body." Elena, December 2000 INTENTIONAL PUNS "This pose puts you in the Yoga Mudra." "Would you like to have a Kapala-body?" (Also, "would you like to have a Kripalu Body?" "Liberate your toes from your shoes!" Mahatma Gandhi was a revered yogi, and chose to live rugged and ascetic lifestyle. He often went barefoot and as a result, developed calloused feet. He ate a sparing vegetarian diet, including many beans, and developed bad breath. He also went on a number of fasts, which caused him to become somewhat weak. He was a "Super-calloused fragile mystic with extra halitosis". If we can't laugh at ourselves and our practice, we are taking ourselves too seriously! Non-Attachment!. . . When asked by the maintenance crew why a few ceiling tiles were out of place in the yoga studio "oh, we levitate up there during yoga and sometimes bump into the ceiling." Elena, October 2000 Student, with tongue firmly in cheek, asked "Now, what if I get stuck in this pose?" (Pose was Kurmasana - sleeping Tortoise). Response: "Those EMTs will sure wonder about you when they get here then." Elena, September 2000 SEND US YOUR YOGA BLOOPERS! EMAIL: NOSPAMelena@focalpointyoga.com (remove the words NO SPAM from the email address please!)
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